Ok, I dare. (This picture captures Lena's prescient feelings about the outing, way back in September. They were sporting cute coats and blankets this day in October.)

What else am I going to do while I pump for the fourth time over three days to fill two sippies with three ounces each for a possible outing to the park later? A park where I have in fact nursed at least twice...so why am I pumping anyway? I guess I feel guilty for not pumping the last week or so, since the girls don't like being spoonfed so much anymore. The days of organic baby oatmeal mixed with dried organic raspberries and breastmilk that I pumped in my 20 minute alone-on-the-computer-reading-my-breastfeeding-listserv while- daddy-plays-with-the-girls-unless-our-schedule-is-off like-it-is-most-days are over. I'm trying to get them to eat the last bits of the oatmeal with the last bits of organic whole yogurt. (Somehow, since I've had these girls, non-organic means "poisoned" in my mind.) But I digress....

So I'll just hit the highlights. After getting pulled over (and not crying) and having chris take the car only to find the machine for testing broken (and again not crying), I show up to get the car tested. I tell them I need at least one tire to pass inspection and that I DON'T CARE what they give me (new moms are a capitalist's dream). But they fail to understand this and keep my increasingly fussy babies and me waiting...and I still don't know what for. Finally I tell them they can call me on my cell phone, and I take my extremely bundled up babies out to the nearby park. It is barely 40 degrees, partly sunny, and even the weather guy capitalized WINDY. And let me tell you, tandem nursing without even the protect of a flimsy panel of nursing shirt cotton has deepened my definition of devotion (and I picked up to overpriced but moderately cute nursing shirts at babystyle at the mall the following day). The girls are not loving being strapped into a stroller, and while they seem to find wind interesting, Lena especially wants out of this situation. So after only about half an hour of walking, we're back at the car place. I couldn't keep them in the stroller, and as soon as I took them out, they wanted to be on the floor (yes, people did say they wouldn't always want to be held; it is true!), and I'm sure their hands would have turned black at even the cleanest tire place (which this wasn't, but they did try to find me cheaper tires since we're soon selling this car), but let's just say I was very happy to get out of there and we took a mid-day bath as soon as we got home. There's a reason many car places don't have a play area for kids. It is NOT the type of errand designed for kid-toting moms. Chris goes next year.

Happy Halloween! This pic shows the "before" of the girls costume, taken back in September. (I covered the couch in a white sheet for my photo shoot. See, we moms need to get together to prevent the torturing of babies in this manner.)

Well, it's been a few days. Last week I was doing anything to get out of the house. Thursday we went to two malls...that was depressing (our playdate had ben cancelled). At the first mall (atrium mall), there is a kid's playspace. It was ok--better for older kids. I was worried the girls were in the way of the other kids while simultaneously feeling disappointed the other moms there weren't friendlier--in fact, the friendliest people (besides the kids) were a grandfather and a nanny. What is it with moms? Aren't we all in the same boat? New to this world of being so devoted to a tiny being or two and trying to find ways to entertain the babe/s without going crazy ourselves. I wish I could figure out a way to help us all out more. I will post the various ways I'm stalking...uh, searching out other moms. A little later.

Back at the playspace, it cleared out to us and two toddlers. A sweet three year old girl took a great interest in the babies, so that was nice. Boy did she stare when I nursed them. Her grandfather said she had a 15 month old baby brother. I wonder if he was nursed or still is...will I be brave enough to nurse the girls in public when they're 15 months? I think I will be. I think the more moms that do it, the easier it becomes for other moms.

The second mall wasn't as depressing as the first--there were more people. The first mall had very few men at all, and kids were still in school, so it was just a bunch of women shopping and eating alone. But I felt bad putting the girls in their basically outgrown infant carrier/carseats and then into the stroller again. Because they'd rather play or be carried. But if it's just me, I do what I gotta do, which involves bribing them with an unsalted Auntie Annie's pretzel. I just went into a couple stores, looking for add-ons to the girls' costumes, but found nothing. I ran into a couple twin moms--one with 7 weekers and one with 5 month olds. I think I pissed off the 5 month old mom by saying how tiny one of the babies was--I just meant in comparison to my girls now (who she thought were 7 months old). And the 7 weekers' mom wanted to know the brand of Lena's shoes, which disturbed me--I guess because I wanted her to be distraught and asking for reassurance they wa I would have been then. Although I guess colic hadn't even hit us at that point, so my major stress then was not getting them to breastfeed and my own weight (I was still about 200 pounds then!).

So that was the day of the double malls. Dare I detail our trip to get the car inspected next?

here are my girlies near the dog toys behind the chair--i don't know why my cropped version of this photo didn't show. i am starving, but every time i attempt to sneak downstairs, a girly puts a stop to it. so how to come back up with two girls and the bowl of hot pasta i want? i guess i'll have to bribe them with a snack in the high chair while i eat standing up. (a difficult life, i know.) if i were to leave them locked in the playroom, though, they'd scream they whole time i was gone.

my girls are so smart! they love to participate in the tactile type books we have. they destroyed pat the bunny, but they could listen to fuzzy fuzzy fuzzy all day. and they are starting to sign. just a few minutes ago, lena did the sign for milk perfectly as i was nursing them! it seems like a hard one because it's so similar to so many signs (like a wave for hi or bye and the sign for light). lena was trying to do duck in the bathtub last night, and trying to say it too, i think. and she can do all done when she's all done with a meal--it's a one-handed wide wave. and i'm pretty sure nico's clapping sometimes means more (and aren't the concepts similar? when you say "yay" don't you often want more?). and they want to say daddy; they're working a lot on the "duh" sound. they say "dada" and "mama," of course, but it's still generally indiscrinimate, i think. nico says "mama" a lot though:).

nico's getting no sleep with her top two teeth coming in:(.

lena is trying to climb the stairs so i must go!

not much going on.....

we were supposed to have a playdate, but i guess there was some miscommunication.... the girls took an unprecented 2.5 hour morning nap, so i guess that kinda makes up for it. when will they sleep again tho?

so instead of playing, we mailed uli a birthdate present, evan and cindy's baby a welcometotheworld present, and bought pampers for the babies (huggies suck! the preemies were good, but i am so tired of leaks!) and ice cream for chris. it was warm today.....

....but it cooled off by our second stroll. and the answer to when will they nap again? 3.30. but briefly. so briefly. i fed them dinner early (mainly blueberries) so i could make dinner. i guess this is just a clingy phase that is making cooking dinner involve bribery.

they are chasing each other around my chair, under the little table with the computer. i wish i were recording their voices. (mercy, come visit and bring your mp3 player!)

so above are the girls right after they were born. lena's on the left, and nico has one eye open. my little lightning bugs of love!

it rained again...and we have class

well, i just read something on some site about how important it is that blog headlines actually relate to the subject.....oh well.

we have our movers and groovers class today at isis maternity. it's pretty cool. i liked sign, say & play (sign language) better--maybe because we were "learning" something, maybe because....

well, life interrupted and now we have had our class, and it's actually very good. i just get nervous before i meet other moms. everybody's nice, and we're all brand new at this. i guess i always think everyone else is doing it better. not better, exactly, but perhaps they're doing with less stress or more confidence.... and sometimes i'm afraid they'll feel sorry for me (or envious) because i have two. it's so weird; i feel so vulnerable, but of course a great part of humanity has raised children. i guess that's the daunting thing--that so many people have done this amazing this, yet you can't see it on their faces. and it must end--the joy and pride you feel at each accomplishment. or maybe it doesn't, and that's why hallmark cards are so popular.

i'm trying a kinda fancy stuffed breaded chicken for dinner. i kinda made it up--but some extra sharp cheddar, garlic, onion, and rasins in the food proccessor, stuffed, breaded, and sauteed one side of the breast. now they're resting in the fridge. i started with the girls on the floor--that only bought me enough time to get some zucchini for their dinner in a frying pan. so i gave them waffles, half frozen mango cubes, mighty bites, and water with a tad of apple juice...and then i added blueberries. basically they only ate the blueberries and got fussy pretty fast, but i danced and told them what i was doing and got it done. no time to clean up tho. now they're playing in the playroom, but if i went to shut the gate and go downstairs, they'd wail.

they're playing pretty hard; i'll try to escape.......

sunshine!

after ten days of rain, the sun is back. but what happened to my 4th post--a brilliant commentary on how wonderful my guys are at ten months and how i couldn't imagine how great life would be when they were all colicky.... oh well.

a few life with babes details: they have enough hair to get a little messy. they offer to share a paci (which they don't really use), a cookie, a mighty bite...tho lena looked a little disturbed when i actually bit the mighty bite's head off. lena loves books--she sticks her head right up to the pages. so cute! nico's having some nightmares or something. it's sad. they love banging on things; right now lena's banging on a tin with shiva on it and nico's banging on the overturned laundry basket. i just gave them organic kiwi for the first time; they liked it pretty well. yesterday they were eating my rice and dahl, coming up to me like little birds. they come when i ask them to sometimes. they look like they're trying to stand often, up on one knee, pumping their arms--that will be cool. i want to get them instruments, nice ones. no more plastic toys (altho peekablocks are pretty neat).

now they're eating their anklets from the Twins. we just got back from trader joe's; they are such good girlees--no crying! more later........

ten months today!

taking the t all by ourselves....

well, my jogging stroller won't fit into the library, but my car stroller (a graciously donated double maclaren) will fit onto the red line--woohoo! we've been taking the girls on the t via baby bjorn for a few months now, but an outing tends to push the limits of their "awake time." until about a month and a half ago, they would only stay up past two or two and a half hours if something truly riveting was going on, but they'll regularly up closer to four hours after their first nap lately. four hours without too much fussing can be quite a heady experience; when they don't last that long, it's a surprise and pretty disappointing--i get used to the little bits of freedom fast. anyway, i've hesitated to take them anywhere on the t because the prep time (at least a half hour from when they wake til we get out the door) plus travel to and from and the train (at least 45 minutes each way) doesn't leave much time to actually accomplish anything. with two adults, if one baby has a meltdown, she can be fairly easily comforted with one parent "free" for when the fussies strike baby b. but subtract a pair of arms and add the distance of a stroller...well, i just wasn't ready.

but yesterday was day five of non-fun weather. there was no rain, though, and i was feeling...well, honestly, i was a little pissed at my husband (i forget why now), so i decided to transform that anger into an expedition to see him, figuring if it was a disaster, i could blame him. (yes, even as i was doing it, i knew it made no sense.) but it worked! the girls stayed in their stroller the whole ride there. (another mom talked my ear off, and i seriously think the girls respect when i'm having a conversation, especially with another mom. maybe "enjoy" is a better word than "respect." or maybe they feel "relieved" that i'm finally talking to someone else.) we were a little early (i'm always early with these two!), but they stayed calm. lunch was good, although they preferred our laps to the high chairs. and the ride home was manageable. they got fussy, so i took them out of the stroller. lena wanted to nurse, and i feel i was pretty discreet, nursing her and holding nico on the other knee. their jackets helped block an excess of boob from showing to the guy across from us. we made it home with no meltdowns. those kinds of successes just make me so proud of myself, like i really am a mother. like i'm "mommy."

i wonder when i will stop being so impressed with myself at certain "firsts." i thought i was a godthe first time i got them into the stroller alone. another big one was was going to the grocery store alone with both at exactly 6 months. and i booked that massage, so tomorrow will be the first time i leave them for purely sefish reasons. rock on, mama.

so here we are--or, were, a few months ago. this is the end of june, so the babes are 6.5 months, and i've just enjoyed my first post-partum haircut. this is not the best pic of the girls, but it is the first decent one of me, even with the excess pounds (but i'll save the saga of getting svelte til later). my haircut and eyebrow wax took less than two hours, but boy were the babes ready for my return (i haven't yet gotten into how/why they won't take bottles). it was the first time i left them for "me." i'd gone to the grocery alone twice before they were two months (when they did take bottles) and then to the dentist a few times (when we discovered they would no longer take bottles)--all in all, not very exciting events. and we co-sleep. and the girls have only taken a handful of naps by themselves, so when someone describes being a stay at home mom as a full-time job, it's accurate. the thing is, now i don't know what to do if the opportunity for free time were to arrive.

actually, it's here. my husband wanted to surprise me with four hours at a spa tomorrow. (i've had some extra solo baby duty lately--and some more to come, so i think it's a reward.) i talked him down to two or three hours, spread out over a couple sessions. but i'm yet to make an appointment for tomorrow. what is wrong with me? my whole life i've made massage appoinments on the sly (well, my whole married life), and now i hesitate? and i also want a facial (i think i've had one in my life, and it was lovely)--but now i'm thinking it's a waste...it'd be better to do it right before the girls' birthday party, as that's the next time i'm certainly going to see people. i guess i'm just saying i've changed, and i wonder how permanent this is. when the girls were a couple months old, i'd have to wait for days to get a ten minute bath--and god it was a heavenly luxury. now i could take a bath most nights (although the call of babes can strike at inopportune moments), but instead i clean or steam veggies for the girls or chop chicken so i can make dinner while giving the girls a snack in their high chairs. i don't want the girls to cry just so i can get a massage; but their daddy's good to them, he loves them, he can make them laugh and feed them cookies and cheese as well as i can. and they can go two hours without the boob. right? when did i become a martyr? i need to listen to myself, and i seem to be saying, i need a massage, i want a massage, i deserve a massage......i'm going to go book a massage.

wish me luck.

well, it's day 6 of crappy weather, my babies are almost 10 months old, and while staying at home with twins is yet to be boring, i feel i need for a hobby. i'm not sure blogging will be that hobby, but for right now, with three hours the longest stretch of time i've had uninterruted by baby (and that maybe three times since their births), no great poetry is going to get written. nothing mediocre either.

so i don't know much about blogging, but i think my babies are fascinating. and i think this transition to full-time, stay at home mommyhood, and the new passions i have--should i breastfeed til they're 4 years old? should i gate the top of the stairs or watch them constantly? sould i hang out with moms whose parenting styles i don't agree with because, hey, at least there's another adult to break up the tiny giggles and whines that so fill the hours between 8.30 and 6.30?--that all this is pretty interesting as well. if not for you, then perhaps one day for my own girls if they decide to go through this mommy thing.

so i guess the thing to do is recap my daily parenting obsessions, new baby milestones, and i hope to be able to share some things that "work" for us--that keep these babies learning and happy and keep this mommy somewhat sane. and, man, if you have any ideas for indoor activities for 10 - 16 month old twins, please please please feel free to post! playing with water bottles and blowing raspberries only yields about 5 minutes of fun, tops:).