Symptoms/progress 3/15

Wow--maybe I was sick before. Except I feel more like I just have a cold now and less like I'm dying. So, I feel more sick, but far better physically. Does that make sense? I've been far less freezing today. But Chris has a cold, and I think the girls may be getting one.

Anyway--symptoms:

• We are no longer lying in bed for 30 minutes to an hour before starting the day. I got up right away and the girls happily read with Daddy while I made breakfast this morning. That hasn't happened in soooo long. They took a nap (not pretty getting them to go down, but after two long days without a nap, I needed one), and woke up without too much fussiness.
• Diarrhea continues for them; I took then off vitamins today. I had my first solid, uh, experience in about two weeks. (So, yes, girls, I'll embarrass myself too.) It's weird how diarrhea freaks me out and makes me forget all the progress we've made.
  
• I picked up Daddy for lunch to go to the grocery store. Lena decided that, "Daddy and I can go to the pet store and Nico can go with Mommy." Yes, my 27-months-old-today-baby-girl said "Daddy and I."
• Nico keeps thanking me for delicious meals, well after the meal is finished. I love it!
• And the girls continue to tell each other they love each other, Daddy, and me. Nico told Lena she liked her headband today, and Lena liked Nico's ABCD shirt. They are so cool and so polite. Except when they're trying to kill each other. But Daddy is helping them remember to use their words. Last night we applauded Lena for telling Nico that she was very angry with her. Woohoo for whatever type of parenting we're promoting.
• Tiny bit of arm-flapping. Have I mentioned how I see Nico starting to flap her arms, and then she turns it into clapping? So I wonder if it is a brain misfire, or maybe an infantile response which they are growing out of now? I really wish I knew....
  

Symptoms 3/13

I feel like I'm gonna die. The girls are doing pretty well though. Our neighbors came over today to play in the yard. Nico walked off with a six year old boy, and I came up behind them and overheard Nico asking Kurt, "What are you eating?" "Gum," and I swear I could see her thinking, "Gum--yes--from the book: 'Kids like gum.'" "I like nuts," she said. She loves boys; it's so cool to see. She also has conversations with Ethan from the group I host; he's almost four. Lena loved Kurt's sister Ani; she kept falling down and asking Ani for help. It was adorable.

But I keep feeling like I'm going to die; I'm freezing; my kidneys hurt. I've been taking belladonna so I didn't get a fever last night like I did four days after the first removal. But I'm depressed and pathetic and all I want is sugar. The closest thing I have to sugar are these Acerola vitamin Cs. And to get pregnant. What is up with me? I'm going to put on more socks and try to sleep.

Symptoms 3/11

Last Thursday I had the last of my amalgams removed. There's still an old crown which my old dentist says has no amalgam, but we're not sure. We need to wait until we're a little bit flush to remove it though, I guess. I wish I knew for sure--but on the other hand, I tell myself that if there is something in there, maybe it's stopping me from dumping too much mercury at once. Who knows. (This time I remembered to take arnica just after the removal. I was much sorer the day of, but almost pain-free the day after. Rock on, arnica!)

I started with the NCD again the afternoon after the removal, back to one drop...and so far I haven't upped it ahead of schedule like I did last time. I think it makes a difference in all of our moods, and the circles under our eyes aren't as dark. So score one for me learning to follow directions and not trying to "overachieve" when there's absolutely nothing to be gained by going faster.

The morning after the removal, Lena and I almost fell apart before breakfast. I realized that I was extremely anxious and hypoglycemic (which had virtually disappeared when I was eating NT and GFCF) and I couldn't be very responsive to Lena, who just needed to be held. She also needed to eat, it turns out, and after we both got some food, we talked about it and she agreed that she had been unable to think or talk, and I think she understood it was from lack of food. However, she still isn't eating much, and she has been spacing out a lot, and I can't stop worrying about her. (Should I try Crab Apple?)

This was not the time to begin potty learning. We had a stomach bug all last week (some homeopathic spray stuff seemed to stop it), so I went back to diapers. But once the diarrhea was gone, the girls decided to poop all over the floor. I took this as a sign that they were ready for underwear again, but...agh. I'm just not ready for this right now. Sorry, girls. EC next time.

So, to sum up--not as moody or dark-circled as last time. More worried about Lena. Very brief suicidal thoughts (none today). But a general heaviness, a dark mood, a need for a gentle (homeopathic) chelation plan...and Anita's supposed to email me the name of an MD/homeopath in Boston who specializing in cleaning up after vaccinations.

Wait, more:

• I'm forgetting words, like "barbell."
• The girls don't cry as much when they wake in the middle of the night, and except for last night, they don't wake as often. Yesterday they didn't take a nap for the first time in several weeks.
• Waking from naps is still not much fun, but it's not as bad as it was last time I had amalgams removed. The girls generally nurse as they're waking up, but maybe it's still low blood sugar. Wish I had more quick snacks and things that would entice them out of bed.
• The girls are more lovey-dovey. They tell each other they love each other(!), and they randomly say they love Bea or Circe or Daddy or me. Is this developmental? It seems late, somehow, but it's awfully good to see.
• I feel a generalized anxiety, a rush to do everything, even dishes. Nico often tells me to slow down. Nico's been getting more boo-boos; I think she's rushing too.
• Today the girls helped me so much--we cleaned up almost all the blood on the walls after Bea's unfortunate tail amputation last week. And Lena was holding boards for Daddy in the kitchen--really helping.
  

A couple random thoughts:

• My unexplained headaches during pregnancy--was this when the mercury left my brain and settled into the girls? And what did having an MRI do--to all of us?
• The amalgam that was replaced with porcelain, NOT using any safety protocol, at around Day 20 of my pregnancy before I could even take a test. Did that do anything?
• Lena's band-aid shaped "birthmark," from receiving the Hep B vaccine at 2 days old (and 5 weeks early)--seriously, what caused that? Nico's faded after a few months....
  

The great lead scare

Well, I've been wondering if I'm insane for a while. I still don't know...in fact, I know even less. What I do know is that our Hair Elements tests showed that the girls have (had?) elevated lead levels. And I know that I spent several nights reading and worrying over this very informative MDC post, which I highly recommend to anyone who may ever buy an older house. And I freaked out in front of the girls, crying and cleaning and trying to get them to play only downstairs. (I bought swab tests from Lowe's and found lots of lead upstairs and in Daddy's office.) And Daddy was having his own issues (in line with the strange astrological goings-on, I suppose).

Anyway, we got a semi-traumatic* venous blood-test that showed almost no lead and normal calcium and iron levels. WTF? So I guess it's not this house (though clearly there is lead here), and either the NCD, time, and/or diet is healing these girls. I guess it's healing--although from what I understand, the damage with lead is fairly immediate (ie, the body mistakes lead for calcium, and it is knit into the bones and remains there for at least 20 years). But at least the onslaught seems to be over. Except that I continue to worry. Did lead do additional damage? Is there damage? Am I just a complete control freak, and all the little things I think are "wrong" are just "personality"? My gut says no, but I'm trying to stay open to the possibility that I am insane. [Insert maniacal laugh here.]

I've been taking flower remedies (in addition to our daily use of Rescue Remedy) to try to alleviate my worry and to learn something from everything that is going on. I've added Chestnut Bud to Cherry Plum and White Chestnut (although after reading the description of White Chestnut, I thin it's not exactly what I need...).

Anyway, anyway: Here are our lab results--mine, Nico's, and Lena's. I want to test again in six months and see if anything changes.

(*Nico went first, cried, but said to Lena soon after--and right before crying some more--that it "wasn't that bad, Lena." Lena thought it was that bad.)