Can I just repeat....

I am not ready for toddlerhood. My mind is everywhere and nowhere; I can't focus; my big accomplishment for the day was remembering to cut my toenails. (I also bought a yogurt maker and V-day gifts for my Valentine, but those toenails were starting to hurt.) I wish I knew how long this "phase" was going to last, but I really feel like I'm going to be eversoslightlyoverwhelmed (on good days) until I die. I mean, they can't even talk yet. Imagine when they can ask me questions. Or tell me to **** off.


My theory is that it takes me a few days to a couple weeks to catch up with them every time they reach a new milestone. For example, I was all irritable and confused when they were about 4 months old because suddenly they weren't nursing all the time, and I had to figure out how to fill that extra time. But I didn't even realize there was extra time for a few days. There was just crying. God the crying gets to me. I have it ingrained in me somehow that if they were truly happy and healthy that they would not cry. They're 14 months old. Is that old or young? I'm so confused. And I bet they are too. They can do so many new things--like walk around the mall. I let them walk around the mall today! Sure it was somewhat of a disaster (they didn't go in the same direction much--as me or each other), but we survived. (I also didn't bring the diaper bag and both girls pooped. Sorry for that detail, babes of the future!)

So we are all growing up and confused and stinky. At least I've been having a couple nice phone calls with Grandma M. I'm trying to figure out the "reward" to all this hard work (and why do I even think in those terms?). My guess is that the reward to motherhood is wisdom. There, I said it. Yep, that means you, Mom. So, if you are not wise and all-knowing, don't tell me, because I gotta be working for something (again, where does this reward-based thinking come from? I'll blame public schools and college).

Of course, there is the joy intrinsic in always being there, being the one thrown up on all night (poor Lena) or klonked on the head with the snack cup (thanks Neeks). And getting to see them do all these new things:

• We're all off the sugar. There's a little in the kefir, but other than that, we're pretty clean. But I need the kefir to mask the cod liver oil......
• Nico did not get the stomach bug that got me, Daddy, Lena, and Grandpa J last Tuesday and Wednesday. She's got the stomach o' steel!
  
• They are both signing more. They were never really signing it before I guess. Who can tell. Anyway, today Lena kept signing more for me to keep playing the farm animal noises in the cool book from Grandma D. Again and again and again. But I couldn't refuse--she was signing more! My girls are brilliant. They both sign it with one finger pointing to the palm. Which looks an awful lot like the sign for hurt.
• They are good walkers, and Lena's about to run.
• Lena is shaking her head no, usually when she means it.
• On the train two weekends ago, Nico signed bubbles to tell us about the ponytail holders in a little girl's hair.
• A couple afternoons ago, Lena was looking out the window and signing. I couldn't figure out what she meant, but she was signing moon because there was a huge child's moon glowing the window. Nico and she and I sat and stared at the moon for a while. The communication is so exciting, but it's also frustrating for all of us because we don't always understand each other.
• Daddy wants me to add that Lena is very proud of her farts, drawing attention to them.
• Nico is fabulous at throwing a ball. (These came today; what a bargain! They're about $8 on kids' store sites. Thank you froogle!)
  
• They can point to the duck or fish or whatever in a book. Wicked cool.
• Lena's word for balloon is definitely "ooo"; she got excited and said "ooo" when she saw some in a new book today.
• Nico likes wrapping these rubber Pilates bands around herself like a scarf. It's very chic.
• Oh, and knock on wood, our trips without tears continue. We were fine to the mall and back today. It's on location now that tears may appear.....
  

I love you, girlies!